Q. President Obama said, “If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan. If you like your doctor you will be able to keep your doctor. Period.” I do, so why can’t I?
A. The answer is quite complicated, so please bear with me. You’re just an American citizen, a part of the masses, an absolute nothing to the grinding wheel of big government, big egos and big lies. You simply don’t deserve the truth about anything. Suck it up and keep paying your taxes.
Q. But . . . I believed him.
|English: Barack Obama signing the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act at the White House (Photo credit: Wikipedia)|
A. Cry me a river, moron. If you actually believed that government could be more efficient than a private sector which has competition and therefore a need to be efficient; that an added layer of federal bureaucracy somehow made healthcare less expensive; and, that millions more people could be insured while the average American family saved $2,500 per year then you should donate your brain to science – they’re always looking for unused specimens.
Q. Is my personal information safe on Healthcare.gov?
A. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Stop it! My ribs are killing me and I've laughed so hard that my face hurts. Listen, the government can’t even keep secret the stuff the government wants to keep secret. Do you really think President O wanted Angela Merkel to know her personal cellphone was tapped? Do you think he wanted us to know that Eric Holder’s little gun-running scheme resulted in the deaths of hundreds of innocent Mexicans? What about Benghazi? The IRS scandal? Safe? Your personal medical records would likely be safer posted on your Facebook page than in the hands of Joe Biden.
The only thing that might save your little tidbits of information is that the website is so poorly designed hackers might never be able to find the database. Plus the data is apparently compressed and stored on the aging hard drive of an IBM PS/1 with 640k of RAM - insert your own joke about a five-and-a-quarter inch floppy.
If you continue to live in the United States and think you might possibly have health problems in the future, follow this sage advice: Begin a life-long love affair with exercise, low-carb foods, and a doctor.
Q. Will Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius be fired because of the poor roll-out, or as some call it the train wreck, of the healthcare.gov website?
A. No. Actually, she’s going to get a super-secret Barack Obama medal. You see, the failure of the website is preventing people from seeing the even more serious failures of Obamacare, such as the increased premiums and elimination of small business policies. They're not even discussing the two million people who are already losing their insurance coverage. And that is far, far beyond a train wreck – it’s more like a train wreck combined with a stock market crash, your daughter dating