Obamacare FAQs . . . Answered by Mr. Smartypants

Q. President Obama said, “If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan. If you like your doctor you will be able to keep your doctor. Period.” I do, so why can’t I?

A. The answer is quite complicated, so please bear with me. You’re just an American citizen, a part of the masses, an absolute nothing to the grinding wheel of big government, big egos and big lies. You simply don’t deserve the truth about anything. Suck it up and keep paying your taxes.

Q. But . . . I believed him.

English: Barack Obama signing the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act at the White House (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A. Cry me a river, moron. If you actually believed that government could be more efficient than a private sector which has competition and therefore a need to be efficient; that an added layer of federal bureaucracy somehow made healthcare less expensive; and, that millions more people could be insured while the average American family saved $2,500 per year then you should donate your brain to science – they’re always looking for unused specimens.

Q. Is my personal information safe on Healthcare.gov?

A. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Stop it! My ribs are killing me and I've laughed so hard that my face hurts. Listen, the government can’t even keep secret the stuff the government wants to keep secret. Do you really think President O wanted Angela Merkel to know her personal cellphone was tapped? Do you think he wanted us to know that Eric Holder’s little gun-running scheme resulted in the deaths of hundreds of innocent Mexicans? What about Benghazi? The IRS scandal? Safe? Your personal medical records would likely be safer posted on your Facebook page than in the hands of Joe Biden.

The only thing that might save your little tidbits of information is that the website is so poorly designed hackers might never be able to find the database. Plus the data is apparently compressed and stored on the aging hard drive of an IBM PS/1 with 640k of RAM - insert your own joke about a five-and-a-quarter inch floppy.

If you continue to live in the United States and think you might possibly have health problems in the future, follow this sage advice: Begin a life-long love affair with exercise, low-carb foods, and a doctor. 

Q. Will Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius be fired because of the poor roll-out, or as some call it the train wreck, of the healthcare.gov website?

A. No. Actually, she’s going to get a super-secret Barack Obama medal. You see, the failure of the website is preventing people from seeing the even more serious failures of Obamacare, such as the increased premiums and elimination of small business policies. They're not even discussing the two million people who are already losing their insurance coverage. And that is far, far beyond a train wreck – it’s more like a train wreck combined with a stock market crash, your daughter dating

If the GOP Blinks - The NEXT Shutdown Will Be Impossible

The ramifications of the GOP yielding to President Barack Obama and Harry Reid on the issue of the immediate implementation of Obamacare have been fully grasped by neither the Republican leadership nor the conservative media. Once the grossly misnamed Affordable Healthcare Act (AHA) has been fully implemented, the US House of Representatives will be unable to ever use the threat of a government shutdown again - for any reason.

English: President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and senior staff, react in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, as the House passes the health care reform bill. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Republicans have avoided any real consequences for holding the line on a one-year delay on the requirement that individuals register for the new law. In addition, they will eventually make hay out of the Democrats insistence that Congress and White House appointees be exempt from the law they passed and crafted. This shutdown is not the problem; it's the next shutdown that will count.

One could argue that the GOP has been hurt in the polls more than Democrats and that is true. President Obama, aided by an intentionally ignorant media, has done a good job of frightening citizens. Fearful or not; however, the only polls that matter, as any politician will tell you, are on election day. No one believes voters will still be frightened due to this issue more than a year in the future.

There is no logical thought process in which the Left does not threaten Americans with a loss of healthcare in future debt ceiling showdowns.

Yet, it is imperative that Republicans hold steady. The year-long delay for an individual participation requirement in AHA is reasonable and necessary. Reasonable in that the system is not ready and the effects and individual costs of the law cannot yet be anticipated. Necessary in that the implementation of Obamacare will almost certainly blunt any threat to rein in government spending by using the approved debt limit as leverage.