Q. President Obama said, “If you like your health care plan,
you can keep your health care plan. If you like your doctor you will be able to keep your doctor. Period.”
I do, so why can’t I?
A. The answer is quite complicated, so please bear with me.
You’re just an American citizen, a part of the masses, an absolute nothing to
the grinding wheel of big government, big egos and big lies. You simply don’t
deserve the truth about anything. Suck it up and keep paying your taxes.
Q. But . . . I believed him.
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| English: Barack Obama signing the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act at the White House (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
A. Cry me a river, moron. If you actually believed that government
could be more efficient than a private sector which has competition and
therefore a need to be efficient; that an added layer of federal bureaucracy
somehow made healthcare less expensive; and, that millions more people could be
insured while the average American family saved $2,500 per year then you should
donate your brain to science – they’re always looking for unused specimens.
Q. Is my personal information safe on Healthcare.gov?
A. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Stop it! My ribs are killing me and I've
laughed so hard that my face hurts. Listen, the government can’t even keep
secret the stuff the government wants
to keep secret. Do you really think President O wanted Angela Merkel to know
her personal cellphone was tapped? Do you think he wanted us to know that Eric
Holder’s little gun-running scheme resulted in the deaths of hundreds of
innocent Mexicans? What about Benghazi? The IRS scandal? Safe? Your personal
medical records would likely be safer posted on your Facebook page than in the hands of Joe Biden.
The only thing that might save your little tidbits of
information is that the website is so poorly designed hackers might never be
able to find the database. Plus the data is apparently compressed and stored on
the aging hard drive of an IBM PS/1 with 640k of RAM - insert your own joke
about a five-and-a-quarter inch floppy.
If you continue to live in the United States and think you might possibly have health problems in the future, follow this sage advice: Begin a life-long love affair with exercise, low-carb foods, and a doctor.
Q. Will Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius be
fired because of the poor roll-out, or as some call it the train wreck, of the healthcare.gov website?
A. No. Actually, she’s going to get a super-secret Barack
Obama medal. You see, the failure of the website is preventing people from
seeing the even more serious failures of Obamacare, such as the increased premiums and elimination of small business policies. They're not even discussing the two million
people who are already losing their insurance coverage. And that is far, far
beyond a train wreck – it’s more like a train wreck combined with a stock market crash,
your daughter dating
Bobby Brown, the adoption of the designated hitter rule by
the National League, Lindsey Lohan’s life, and did I mention that the train in question
was filled with all of the Girl Scout cookies in the world? Yeah; it’s that
bad.
Leave it to progressive Democrats to use incompetence as a
weapon. But, hey, only two million people have lost their insurance policies, so
far. Of course it's still early and once the employer mandate begins . . .
Q. Jay Carney says that the millions of insurance policies
being cancelled are the fault of the big, greedy insurance companies.
A. That’s neither a question nor a fact.
Q. Well, is that true?
A. Jay Carney says a lot of things. The Brothers Grimm have
nothing on Jay. If Barack Obama asked him to do so, Jay Carney would state that
his own mother was a streetwalker from Mars and that he, personally, had carnal
knowledge of a herd of camels while writing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony.
If you break down what Carney says, it amounts to: it’s not
our fault that the insurance companies followed the law. Who knew passing
horrific laws had consequences?
Q. Did President Obama know he wasn't telling the truth
about the Affordable Care Act?
A. Read the name of the bill again. What’s the first word?
It isn't and everyone who had anything to do with this monstrosity knew that it
would never be affordable. It goes downhill swiftly from there.
Q. What should I do?
A. First of all, never, ever get sick again. Second, give up all activities
that lend themselves to injury. Third, Belize is a stable, English-speaking
country with a low cost of living and the type of medical care we used to have.
I’m just throwing that out there.
If you continue to live in the United States and think you
might possibly have health problems in the future, follow this sage advice: Begin
a life-long love affair with exercise, low-carb foods, and a doctor.
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